Linda is having a bad day, a bad week, maybe even a bad life flashing before her eyes.
In Mary Bronstein’s nonstop aria of controlled chaos, “If I Had Legs I’d Kick You,” Linda is a Montauk psychotherapist in freefall while just trying to take care of her sick daughter, patch up that hole in her ceiling that’s gushing water, and plop down on the couch for time with her own therapist. She’s played by Rose Byrne in undoubtedly the best performance of the actress’ stellar career.
But if you were a “Damages” fan, you already know the dramatic pyrotechnics the “Spy” and “Bridesmaids” scene-stealer is capable of, and with Linda, Byrne unleashes a whirl of oh-god-help-me (but please, don’t help me) anguish.
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A24 releases Bronstein’s second feature behind the camera, which first premiered at the 2025 Sundance Film Festival before Byrne predictably (and deservedly!) won the Silver Bear for Best Actress at the Berlin Film Festival, where “If I Had Legs I’d Kick You” made its next stop in competition. The movie arrives in theaters October 10, and the first trailer, which you can watch below, is here to give you a taste of Byrne’s unforgettable turn.
Linda’s relationship with her own therapist (Conan O’Brien) — whose office is just down the hall, mind you — is a fraught one. Meanwhile, her daughter has a mystery illness and a tube pumping food into her stomach, one Linda is eager to get extracted, though a healthcare professional (played by Bronstein herself) advises her not to. Linda’s husband (played by an actor whose cameo I won’t spoil) is MIA, and so while the sudden hole in her apartment ceiling festers, she’s forced to live in a motel operated by some surly types and also inhabited by a nosy, potentially helpful neighbor played by A$AP Rocky. Meanwhile, Linda is guzzling cheap wine and smoking joints, just trying to make it through one more day.
IndieWire’s David Ehrlich raved about this brilliant movie out of Sundance with an A-grade review. “It spirals towards the very bottom of Linda’s soul with a terminal velocity that feels as incontrovertible and uncompromising as the laws of physics. They always say to put your own oxygen mask on first, but what if you are the emergency?” he wrote.
Indeed, Linda is spiraling out of control, but we are with her circling the drain, as Bronstein vividly realizes the ultimate boss-level horror movie of motherhood. The film counts Josh Safdie among its producers, and comparisons to “Uncut Gems” are earned, though “If I Had Legs I’d Kick You” is an emotional and sensory torpedo no references can help you see coming.
The film next plays TIFF and the New York Film Festival, though we gather it will be at Telluride to help stir momentum for Byrne’s awards-worthy performance. The Academy would make an egregious error not to honor her work here.
Watch the trailer for “If I Had Legs I’d Kick You” below. The film opens in limited release on Friday, October 10.
